Sincerely, Frightened To Death?

Ugh, my brain hurts...

I'm afraid to make a wrong move, there's SO many factors to these ketamine treatments... How many days of infusions, how high a dosage, do I want a port or an IV, if I get a port, what kind? Do you fast before the treatments? Do I stop my meds before doing them? AHHHH I thought finding a doctor was the hard part, the more I read other patients' experiences the more freaked I get! Can't they just knock me out, wake me up and have me be all better? :S

What if I do something the wrong way and it doesn't work...

Capturing Fire

I have a friend so fantastic and talented, she can capture fire in paper without it burning, and it will be the most beautiful thing you will ever see. :)

My best friend in the whole world is a fantastic artist, and she has agreed to make an art portrait for me that I've been wanting for some time. An image from my back, bare, showing my two incisions, with some sort of representation of RSD. This is commonly fire, though we'll probably get the orange awareness ribbon in there as well. I'm very excited for this as there isn't a lot of RSD-specific art out there, which was the main reason behind my wanting to get all my model and photographer contacts together from my pinup modeling days(before the RSD leaving me physically useless x_x) and collaborate an RSD awareness calendar. That's another story for another time, probably when I have the energy to get it going like I still plan to haha. This will be very personal to me with my surgery scars in there and making it beautiful, and I love my friend for taking her amazing talent and doing this for me.